Where Is My Husband?

If you see him, tell him he should holla

Now that it has been at least a month since the girls told me that their dad told them that Nate is “just your mom’s boyfriend,” I have slowly migrated from angry to amused by that sentiment.

Instead of being thankful and grateful for the ways Nate has shown up and taken care of the girls like they are his own flesh and blood, he has the audacity to say this to them. I believe it was a conversation about him not being their step-dad. Listen, I get semantics. No, Nate and I are not married. We do not have a piece of paper from the State of Texas that certifies us as husband and wife. We have something that is much deeper than that. Even deeper than the charade I had with their father for 11 years. An overrated ceremony doesn’t define the relationship between he and I, nor the one he has with the girls.

Did I like that the girls started calling their dad’s new wife their step-mom? No, but they are married, so I have to live with it.
Has she proven that she cares for the girls the way that any parent should? Also, no. She has actually proven the opposite.

So, when Zoey told me that she made her something for Mother’s Day it made me extremely angry. I didn’t show her that anger, because the girls don’t yet grasp the level of expectation they should have for the care they receive from both their dad and his wife. They will eventually, though. They’re smart. I’m just afraid that they don’t hold their father accountable because they know they can always call me when they are with him or they will just wait to get taken care of when they get home. And that is not ok.

If their dad’s new wife wanted to talk woman-to-woman and have a fluid relationship where we both could mutually trust each other for the sake of the girls and their wellbeing then I would have ZERO issue. If she showed me that I could trust her with my girls and made an effort to care for them, then I might feel differently. As it stands now, that is just a pipe dream.

Nate has: taken them to school, picked them up from school, learned their drop-off routine so it doesn’t throw them off, picked them up from school when they’re sick, picked them up after school when I had to work late, he has taken medicine to school for them, taken them to doctor’s appointments, stayed home with them when they’re sick, stayed home with them when they’re off and I’m not, he has helped to pay for their extracurricular activities, helped to pay for summer camps, & bought them back-to-school clothing hauls. He has cried with them and laughed with them and everything in between. He shows them every single day that they are a priority. He has earned the title of “Dad.” He is their bonus dad in every way.

At this point, their father doesn’t contribute to anything except the girls’ DNA.